Your Chance To Talk To My Dad

As many of you know, I recently came out to my father. He was kind and charitable in many ways, for which I am grateful.

He has also said some things and asked some questions that confirm (1) he still has some serious reservations, and (2) he knows very little about the whole subject.

He's a retired Army officer and has always been very big on taking personal responsibility and initiative. So somehow, even though I never mentioned it, he's gotten stuck on the issue of what he calls "a genetic connection." That ought to be fairly easy to answer, the scientific literature about potential genetic connections is widely available.

He said the last news story he paid any attention to about this whole issue was when "the gay community" tried to have a law passed in California that would have prohibited therapists from talking to clients about "returning to a straight life style because about 80% return." He said if there really were a genetic connection, there would have been no need for any law to stop anyone from talking about that option.

Obviously I need to update him on this issue, and that should be fairly easy. But does anyone recall anything about such legislative efforts by the California "gay community"? I've never heard of this before and am not finding anything about it. If anyone knows what he's talking about, please tell me!

In our correspondence over the last week he has also repeatedly used the phrase "chosen the gay life style." He encouraged me not to "demonize the Brethren and their counsel with regard to this choice you have made." To which I responded "please clarify what you mean by choice and by lifestyle, because being gay is not a choice."

Here's his clarification: " One, the people who I know who have declared themselves to be gay have a significant other of the same sex, they live together, their social life is predominately with people with the same sexual orientation, when they live together they have intimate sexual relations with each other, some in abnormal ways; Two, they spend time with their extended families, however, unlike you, they have not been married in the heterosexual relationship and do not have children. I am sure that some have been married and have kids, but  I would think that most have not; Three, those who have made that choice to come out live the balance of their lives in a pretty typical and normal way as most of the rest of us."

I'm basically going to tell him that there are as many ways to be gay as there are people, but if he took the sexual orientation aspect out of his description he would find that it is exactly the same as what straight people tend to want and seek out in order to have fulfilling lives. So why should any of that disturb him?

And lastly, he asked a crucial question, on which I would welcome any input before I respond, because my answer has to be rock solid and so self-evident that there is no quarreling with it:

"If this life-style is not what you intend, or having a significant other for a companion is not part of what you intend to do, then why did you decide to come out?"

So, everyone, here's your chance to talk to my dad. Feel free to post comments or even send me a direct e-mail, if your thoughts are too long for a comment, and reply to his comments and questions. He is intellectually honest and will respect good faith, solidly grounded input and opinions from others, as well as new information to learn from. How would you respond to him if you were me?