08 December 2009

My Snarky Streak

Disclaimer: I am probably going to come across as very snarky and punchy in this post. So I'm human. We all have our moments. Even you, gentle reader.

Last Saturday I was driving on the freeway when I looked over to the next lane and saw a silver Honda Odyssey minivan with Utah plates and a Ken Garff Honda license plate frame. We don't see many of these in SoCA. As I slowly passed, I saw its front seats were occupied by a very corpulent 40-something guy and his even more ample wife. Classic Utah Mormon couple. I think the guy had a white shirt on. They were even sticking to the speed limit, which in SoCA sometimes gets you pulled over and admonished for obstructing traffic.

I have a not ostentatious but very noticeable HRC sticker centrally placed on the back of my SUV. If you're driving behind me you can't miss it. So what'd I do? I swung into the lane in front of Brother and Sister Overfed and immediately slowed down in order to force them to look at that bright blue & yellow Equality symbol. I watched them closely in the rear view mirror. I could tell they saw it. Did they recognize it? Yeah right. "And the light shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehended it not." (John 1:5) Utah plates? Ken Garff Honda? White shirt on a non-Sunday? Ya think? They probably wouldn't know the Human Rights Campaign from a Panda Express all you can eat buffet. No, wait, they would recognize the buffet. It didn't take them long to start falling further and further back in the lane, so eventually I resumed normal speed and left them behind. Metaphor?

I will now return to my regularly scheduled efforts to be more charitable than this post would indicate.

8 comments:

mandi said...

Once again, Judge Westermark, I must call you to task. For one who so vehemently advocates fairness and equality, you sure are quick to judge. You never know: the corpulent wife may have been a cross-dresser and they were both on their way to celebrate the winter solstice with their Wiccan friends. You never know what is in another person's heart. Especially from the inside of your SUV.

boskers said...

"corpulent" and "ample." Too funny! :)

Scott said...

I'm afraid I'm going to need to agree with Mandi on this one.

See, we drive a minivan with Utah plates, and our other car has Ken Garff Honda license frames. I'd hate to think we'd be judged similarly on the basis of those two things.

(Granted, our minivan does have an HRC magnet, and the car would too if the second hadn't gotten ruined in the weather. And I'm not quite "corpulent". But still...)

:)

It's entirely possible that this couple (who may or may not have been LDS) were on the way to their gay son's commitment ceremony and were glad to see your HRC sticker. Ya never know!

Alan said...

I knew I was running a risk of being seen as judgmental when I posted this. Trust me, it was all in fun. I thought Mandi's comment was hilarious and I'm sure these folks were nice and kind and sweet and salt of the earth types. I've also been in the church long enough to acquire Mormon-dar as well as gaydar, and trust me, they had the look. Especially with her dress and hairstyle, which screamed Utah Valley Relief Society President.

So if some gentle needling of such folks with a bumper sticker is as malicious as I get, then I'd say I'm pretty benign.

Cadence said...

regardless I liked it and thought it was entertaining thanks alan...

Evan said...

As you know, I have the magnet on the back of my car. I chose the magnet over the actual sticker because I was a little hesitant about having the HRC logo on the back of my car.

But then after leaving it on, I came to a realization that probably about 5 other people in all of this west TX community would recognize it.

Ezra said...

I do this from time to time too... or if I see someone with the HRC sticker I'll pass them and let them see that we're both equality minded. It's nice.

J G-W said...

You never know where you might find a friend... In fact, I count as one of my best friends a man, both corpulent and Mormon, who probably wouldn't be my friend if I'd made certain assumptions about how he would respond to me, a gay, excommunicated, same-sex coupled man.