Well, I have lots of blessings to count. But I am also part of a Church that tells me that the thing I don't have, don't want, am not capable of, is also the one indispensable requirement to get where I want to go with the family I do have, a church which is actively hostile to people like me just because of how God created our hearts to love, and which doesn't seem interested in resolving the impossible dilemma into which its theology places us.
So once again, as many times before, today my own closing hymn lyrics were by Thomas Hardy:
Let Me Enjoy (Minor Key)
Let me enjoy the earth no less
Because the all-enacting Might
That fashioned forth its loveliness
Hath other aims than my delight.
About my path there flits a Fair
Who throws me not a word or sign
I'll charm me with his ignoring air
And laud the lips not meant for mine.
From manuscripts of moving song
Inspired by scenes and dreams unknown,
I'll pour out raptures that belong
To others, as they were my own.
And someday hence, toward Paradise
And all its blest—if such should be—
I will lift glad, afar-off eyes,
Though it contain no place for me.
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