Brother Comes Through

I have one brother, many years younger than me. We've spent most of our lives apart, separated by thousands of miles. We don't hate each other or anything, that's just how life has worked out. He is the classic youngest child, has always been happy go lucky, even-tempered, quietly confident, a peacemaker.

So when I wrote a coming out letter to him on Saturday morning, I took a bit of a gamble and wrote it as if I were confident he'd respond with love and acceptance and no harshness or judgment. I wasn't sure, but I sure hoped.

And little brother comes through. This evening he wrote back, and here's what he said:

Dear Big Bro, There are some things in life that I am sure of.

1. I love you and always will. You are my big brother no matter what.

2. We are all on this Earth to make choices and those are fueled by our experiences and our spirits. We don't always agree with each others choices but each person has to live with their own.

3. All of us just want to be loved and accepted. This is a big fuel for many of our actions.

A wise man said something once that impacted me greatly. He said that God does not love us because of who we are or what we do but because of who he is. I am trying to emulate that and love people because of who I am and not who they are or what they do.

I understand the shock this has caused our family. It will be hard for some to recover from it. It will take time and patience on both parts. My only confusion comes at your claim of being gay and yet saying you have not acted on the feelings. That is my only confusion.

I hope that whatever choices you make that you will feel at peace. It will not change my feelings or love towards you. Feel free to share feelings, thoughts or anything else with me as long as I might do the same.

I love you. You are a great man.

And my reply this evening:

I've been a bit on pins & needles since sending you that note yesterday, wondering how you'd respond. I'd hoped you would do and say exactly as you have, but wasn't sure. Thanks for your kindness and generosity, it means more than you know. I agree totally with all three of your numbered points. And with that great observation about why God loves us and how we should try to do the same.

You said you're confused as to my claim of being gay and yet not acting on the feelings, apparently you're wondering how that works? Best way I can explain it is to say imagine back to when you were in your early teens and suddenly found yourself increasingly preoccupied with thoughts of girls. You can't explain where that came from, it just happened. One day you just found yourself thinking and feeling that way. You just knew. You didn't need to hold her hand or kiss her or go further in order to know. In fact, you probably knew quite a while before you got a chance to do anything about it.

It's as simple as that, really. I just knew, like I knew I was right-handed or that my eyes were blue. Unfortunately I didn't have the courage to be honest about it for a long time afterward. For years I even pretended in my prayers that I was straight, how lame is that, trying to hide yourself from God. But then one day some time after I started coming out, I finally got on my knees with the courage to say "OK, God, I'm gay, now what?" I was just that blunt. And that still small voice spoke very clearly: "I know what you are, and I approve." I have numerous LDS friends who've had similar experiences. I could go on for hours and tell you stories and why I believe the way I do about this, but bottom line is that I think God is a lot more okay with His gay children than the members of the LDS Church are right now, and someday the Church is going to have to accommodate that. That's a story for another time, though.

Happy to continue the dialogue with you if you want or to answer any other questions you might have. Thanks bro, you are the best.

When he was little, I carried him everywhere. How cool is it that now he carries me for a bit. That's how it's supposed to work. I am so lucky, so blessed.