25 February 2010

The Big Reveal

Bye-bye Alan, it was nice knowing you. You were mission critical for a while and you did your job well. But the job's basically done. So, life being dynamic as it is, the Man Behind The Curtain here has decided to pull that curtain back, that curtain with Alan's name on it.

So hello, world, my name's Rob. Your humble correspondent here at Scrum Central. Rob is no longer content to juggle a pseudonym and his real name. Did you ever try training yourself to respond as automatically to a name you know is fake as you do to your own real one? Doesn't work very well. With my unfortunately lingering sense of ethics, it also has a tinge of dishonesty, and I've grown tired of that. Not the ethics (although as a lawyer, they are a handicap in other ways too, imagine trying to make a profit as an honest lawyer).

Some of you already know my real name so now you can use it freely. Some of you know me only as Alan, so now you know the real me and can ditch the Alan bit. I know major platform shifts take time to implement (that's the tech wonk talking) so I'll still respond to Alan for a little while, I suppose. But eventually Alan will go the way of the dodo, the Edsel, the Clinton Health Care Plan.

In one sense, this is just a change of labels, like some supermarket product with bright packaging that hypes "New Look!" when inside you've got the same old overpriced crap but you're paying more for the extra box decorations. Don't worry, I'm not going to start charging admission here.

In another sense, though, this is emblematic of another step on the path. A year and a half ago I couldn't even admit to myself who I was. I still remember how my hands were literally shaking as I typed the first furtive e-mail to another MoHo blogger, I was still so afraid of actually telling someone else about myself. So when I started blogging, I created Alan as a mask behind which to hide as I worked out a lot of the issues and the struggles that Evergreen types seem to love to wallow in. Well, I'm past all that now. Babies grow up, and this one has rocketed out of the closet and no longer needs the online Halloween costume. On this 10th anniversary of the day that Stuart Matis left us while expressing hope that those who followed him would not fear to speak out, I thought it would be appropriate to fulfill his wish.

So hello world, my name is Rob.

P.S. This morning I attended the memorial for Stuart in Los Altos California. Watch this space for a report, pics, and impressions of the event and the issues it presents.

18 comments:

Tim Trent said...

Hello Rob. My name is Tim. Isn't it refreshing when the curtain finally goes all the way back?

Rob said...

Hi Tim, great to meet you! And thanks for your e-mail the other day, I'm flattered that you'd take time to stop by and read. Life without the curtain is wonderful indeed!

Tim Trent said...

Ah the Internet is a wonderful thing. I came here by recommendation from Brody of Brody's Notes and Scribbles.

I ripped my own curtain aside in July last year after happening by pure chance on Pride London. I realised that I no longer need to hide from myself, so I took a deep breath and stepped into the light.

At that point my own blog changed character entirely.

Grant Haws said...

I'm glad you've decided to take this step...there is something very sane-feeling about attaching an actual name to a blog and in reality, to a life that doesn't need to be kept in the shadows. I wish our fellow MoHo bloggers would realize the benefits and jump on the band wagon when they feel ready.

Sean said...

Another coming out of sorts. Yay! Breathe the air of freedom Rob.

Brody said...

I need to add my voice to this chorus and welcome you into the light Rob. Certainly is different than living in "Twilight" eh?

Captain Midnight said...

Wow. I feel dumb. Haha. I really thought your name was Alan. That's funny.

boskers said...

You're an inspiration, Rob!

Bravone said...

Rob, I'm shocked! It's going to take a while. I'm Steve, but I think you already know that. Good to re-meet you!

Other Species said...

Congratulations, Rob. Your blog was there when I really needed to re-think and question my sexuality and the many issues surrounding it. Can't wait for the day when I can reveal myself too.


I hope this isn't the end of your rugby updates. ;)

Troy said...

YAY!

Daniel said...

This makes things so much easier for me. The two names things was so hard!

P.S., I hoped you were attending the morning vigil, and I want to hear all about it.

Gay Mormon said...

I found it totally free-ing when I invited friends from my Gay FB page to follow me to my regular FB page. I was so afraid one of my gay friends might say something that would out me to the world. Over the past three months I have completely and totally outed myself and no longer care what others think. What a way to free the soul. The only way we can help make change is by coming out and allowing the world to see that we are merely the guy next door.

A Gay Mormon Boy said...

Oh happy day!

Thanks for all of the advice and insight you've offered. I'm sure this step will only enhance it.

Ned said...

Congrats, Rob! It feels very good to address you as Rob in public. Thanks also for your good example. I do think I will always be fond of the name Alan. Now about Westermark, are you willing to share the origin of that?

StevieB said...

It’s amazing how the human male can contort to fit into a mold. It’s uncomfortable, yet seems so necessary. Until one day you learn to stand upright.

Joe Conflict said...

I feel like you've just liberated yourself. Go Rob. Forgive me if it takes a while to stop thinking of you as Alan. Best wishes on building the life you seek!

J G-W said...

I guess to those of us who only know you through your blog, Rob or Alan doesn't make much difference. But I prefer Rob, since that's your real name. And it's nice that you posted a picture so we can now imagine a face with the name.

It does feel good to be able to breathe that sigh of relief that comes with making the inside and the outside one and the same.

Peace be with you, brother!