Dear Blog Readers:

I'd like to ask a favor. Those of you who've read my blog for a while know the story of how I came out to my family. You know that it's not followed the pattern we usually hope to see, and that it's been increasingly difficult, not less difficult. When I came out to each of them individually, most of them were initially startled and hesitant, I could tell, but they tried to say what the Church said they should, namely, "we still love you" or some variant of that. However, without exception they also said some variant of "this (or this behavior) is wrong and will always be wrong, we will never accept it, we don't want to hear anything more about it, or read anything about it, we don't want to hear you try to defend it, we don't want to talk about it anymore and we don't want you to either, and if you try, we won't listen."

This puts me in a very difficult position. They are asking me to go back in the closet and pretend I never came out, and to live the rest of my life like I did before. This is something I can never do. That said, they are my family and I love them. I don't want this issue to sunder our relationships permanently. I want to help them overcome their hurt and confusion and fear, and I'm still thinking through how best to do that.

But this morning, something occurred to me. The LDS Church believes in what's sometimes called "the law of witnesses." Joseph Smith relied on witnesses to try to convince a hostile world that the gold plates really did exist. The Bible says "in the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established" (2 Co. 13:1). In my business we use witness testimony to establish the truth of something, or rebut contradictory evidence and show that it is not true, or is invalid, or untrustworthy, or should be discarded.

So here's the favor I'd like to ask. I'm only one, but I'm a lot stronger with all of you. Would you be willing to help me try to persuade them to open their hearts and minds and really listen to what I have to say? Not just sit through hearing me talk so they can repeat what they've said before, but really truly listen and give full consideration, be willing to re-examine their own beliefs and consider the possibility that I may be right about some things.

Those of you who are so inclined, would you mind writing a letter to my family, keeping in mind what you've read here about them and my experience with them? Short or long, doesn't matter, anything would be helpful. Send it to me by e-mail or as a comment to this post, either way. I'll post your letters on the blog. Say whatever you think would help get them to that point of really listening and seeing this issue more positively. Your own experiences, your own families, what you know of me, our relationships, whatever. Anything you can think of that might help them see this whole issue from a broader and more positive perspective, that might help them overcome their fear.

Because that's really what it is. Fear. They fear that I've suddenly bolted away from the true path, they fear having to deal with the shame they believe I have brought on our family, and worst of all (especially for my dad) they fear that I am deliberately choosing to break apart family unity and that I will be "the empty chair in heaven". This is a classic Mormon response, of course. I cry for them, I sincerely do, just as I'm sure they've cried for me. Because just as they fear for me, I fear they are putting themselves through totally unnecessary anguish and that their fear is a horrible, stressful, tragic waste of time and tears. And until we figure out some way to really talk to each other--which so far they've said they're not willing to do--that's where we'll all stay stuck.

I don't want that. Can you help? Thanks.