27 January 2009

Rant Number One

I don't rant too often, but hold tight because I'm about to unleash a couple. This post is the first. The second will be nicer, I promise. I am going to unleash about a couple of topics that I seem to have noticed a lot of blogging and news attention to lately. I don't know why I've noticed this, these things have probably always been there. But there are a couple of things I just have to get off my chest. So here goes.

This is The Ick Factor Rant. An equal opportunity blast at (1) every straight person who thinks that being gay is all about hedonistic sexual perversion, and (2) every gay person who focuses on sex at the expense of other parts of life. To both groups I say Grow Up Already. You're both wrong.

To Group Number One, the Ick Factor is what they feel every time they imagine two people of the same sex Doing It. To Group Number One, I say this. Your perspective is uninformed and shallow. You can't get past the sex thing and you do not understand what a healthy same-sex relationship is about. You may refuse to believe there could be such a thing as a "healthy same-sex relationship" but that would be just your belief, and it would be incorrect. The aspects of a healthy relationship are the same regardless of gender. The things that make a healthy heterosexual marriage are also what will make a healthy same-sex relationship. For anyone who is mature and has a handle on their hormones, it is fundamentally an emotional and spiritual thing, it's not about the sex. A person's heart will tell them where they "fit" best. Until you, Group Number One, realize and accept this, you won't be able to comprehend why those on the other side of the fence get so angry when you tell them that you "love them BUT" you also rally to finance and push legislation that would deny them equal legal protections and the ability to choose for themselves where they fit best, a freedom you have never had to question. Think how you'd feel if the roles were reversed.

To Group Number Two, the Ick Factor is what you generate when others who don't agree with you look at the way you live and think "this is what being gay is all about." To Group Number Two I say this. Get a life! No healthy relationship is built on a physical buzz. Promiscuity is a dead end. You are chasing a shadow you will never catch. Stop contributing to the stereotypes that make it harder for the rest of us to find acceptance in American society. Control yourselves and turn your energies toward making things better for everyone. Selfishness doesn't lead to happiness. Selflessness does.

Thanks, I just had to shout all that stuff out to whoever has too much time on their hands and reads this blog. Actually I don't think that anyone who really needs to read this will actually read it, but it's good to get it off my chest regardless. The next one will have lower blood pressure, I promise.

Off soapbox.


Ezra said...

"wickedness never was happiness"

I don't know why that popped into my mind. But it did.

Thanks for the rant.

Bravone said...

Breathe deeply! Excellent post.

Beck said...

You really don't think it's about sex? I mean not exclusively about sex, but that sex isn't a contributing factor?

As one who doesn't have a clue, I must admit that the actual act of "doing it" has been a source of "ick factor" for me. I don't know what I'm talking about as my head is in the clouds and I see romance and kissing and hugging and cuddling as well as building a relationship and selflessness and charity all wrapped into it - but then getting down and Doing It is still an "ick factor" of sorts - and this has held be back from completely embracing "it" - maybe I'm scared of it, and maybe that's because I don't know how wonderful or different or amazing or complete it would be verses what I know heterosexual relations to be.

I'm just saying that the "ick factor" isn't just in group one; it's within this community as well - maybe innocently or naively but still it is here. Maybe it's here because of ignorance or lack of experience.

Meanwhile, to say that one's "ick factor" entitles one to create laws against and take away rights and wish ill on others is obviously wrong.

The lack of understanding and the willingness to try to understand the other side always ends up always being the fundamental problem.

Scot said...

I like you on your soap box :-).

Last week I wrote this in response to an email question and your post reminded me a lot of what I was trying to get at:

Sex really is the penny in the currency of a relationship, but that shiny copper attracts the eye, doesn't it? :-) Many gay men in the closet, for example, make the mistake of seeing their orientation as drive for some sort of sexual action, then they can't figure out, when they slip and cave to their cravings, why those cravings are never ultimately satisfied. They never get on to see what their orientation actually is. That's because, at least to me, sexual orientation is about who you're built to be best mentally suited to couple up with, and sexual desire is just one tool in orientation's tool belt.

Alan said...

Scot, I'm going to start sending all my draft posts to you so you can condense them down to their essentials, like you did this one. You're absolutely right, it's not [just] about the sex, ultimately it's about the spirit.